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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nameless' LiveJournal:

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    Monday, June 7th, 2004
    8:39 pm
    everybody cares
    everybody understands
    Monday, May 31st, 2004
    3:03 am
    over the past couple months i've come to realize that everything that is, will be. you live moments to make memories. and i've been trying real hard to make sure i do a good job of that. i've weeded out the insignficant relationships//ideals//memories that have been keeping me down and muted and stuck. no regrets. good or bad. it is what it is. i am what i am. but not neccessarily ready. i don't want what i have to become my past. i don't want nights spent in glen rock to become faded and worn memories. i want them fresh and vibrant. i feel like these people and this place is as vital as my blood. who am i kidding... it IS my blood. as cheesy as it sounds i feel like glen rock is what i am. my friends are who i am. and even though we've been going to different schools the past couple years, i feel like this year is different. this summer in particular. i have very mixed feelings about leaving tomorrow for vermont. i've been trying not to think about it but now its not only staring me in the face, its pretty much smacking me in the face. i won't be sad about it. no use crying over spilt milk, just milking it (whatever that 'it' is) for everything its worth. i'm prepared to move, just not to move on. the winds are starting to pick up and you can just feel the static electricity in the air. i get this feeling that something's brewing.

    Current Mood: unsure
    Current Music: iron+wine:: weary memory
    Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
    9:02 pm

    ok. i hate to admit this. but i'm an idiot. i came up to the cape late last night for school, only to find that school doesn't start until monday.

    i'm smart.


    but maybe i will occupy these lonesome days with visits to boston? possibly? i'm kinda scared to call this boy.

    wait who am i kidding, no i'm not.

    i'll just put it off another day.


    p.s. cigarette count of the day: 0
    day count: 1


    ::irockhxc::



    Current Mood: tolive a lifeof creeping hours
    Current Music: + racing hearts
    Saturday, January 17th, 2004
    3:10 am

    things i could live without:
    cold toliet seats
    watching lolita
    sore throats
    blowing out my tire on the highway
    hearing from my p.o.
    remembering you


    things i couldn't live without:

    remembering you






    p.s. i don't want to go back to the cape. someone run away with me. please.

    Thursday, January 8th, 2004
    2:00 pm

    this year i decided not to make any resolutions. only revelations.
    i feel like starting my life this year.
    i fee like a 12 year old in a 19 year old body.
    and its good to never grow up entirely. young at heart. etcetera. but i feel like its time to maintain a level of momentum and start moving forward instead of this cyclical rotation.


    i oddly enough actually miss having a job.


    i oddly enough miss being in classes.


    call me odd.



    Current Music: i have a rekindled fondness for joni mitchell
    Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
    1:44 pm
    so i've ripped holes in three of my pants.
    gggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    and its gonna be a bitch to replace them considering i have no money. or at least not money i want to spend on clothes.


    my roomate left me a valentine's gift on my desk last night. which, was the best gift ever. those candy hearts with those cheesey ass sayings. best candy ever. i was totally missing them this year too, and i end up getting a shit load of them. my favorites so far: "book club" "let's read" "go girl" and "ur qt" . i think they should have a kinky candy kind. with like ; 'lets fuck' or ' lube up' or something alittle more amuzing than the shits they have out now.
    Sunday, February 16th, 2003
    6:36 pm
    humor me, please. ignore me[in all seriousness], please.
    kerri meant what she was saying when refering to kisses. they are suppose to mean more than the world.
    to me all the make out sessions i've had have simply been poison.
    .so.fuck.that.
    Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
    1:39 am
    the strap on my doc's are broken.
    the doc's have had for 6.5 years.
    everything constant in my life is falling apart.

    Current Mood: you're the reoccuring kind
    Current Music: you never leave my mind
    Friday, January 17th, 2003
    4:55 pm
    its too cold.
    but the moon is amazing.
    it all evens out in the end.



    tonight is the first night of real uvm partying since i got back. i've been such a homework nerd this entire week minus wednesday night i ate jello shots until i vowed to never EVER eat them again.


    p.s. god bless beautiful math teachers. my one motivation to attend.
    Thursday, January 9th, 2003
    1:33 am
    INFO:
    Date Of Birth: the third of september of 1984
    Location: glen rock + at times, UVM in burlington vt
    Religion: religion is dead
    APPEARANCE:
    Hair: ratty and long. hold on, i care.
    Eyes: hazel
    Height: 5'7ish
    STYLE:
    Clothing: whatever smells somewhat decent off my floor
    Music: is my life.
    Bodyart: tattoo + a god damn lip ring
    RIGHT NOW:
    Wearing: socks drawers tank top + sweater. yes, i'm strange
    Listening to:ben folds (live). i will be watching him play these beautiful songs come tomorrow at the beacon. sweat me.
    LAST THING YOU:
    Bought: movie ticket to lord o' the rings
    Ate & Drank: popcorn with extra butter and water
    Read: street signs + taboo cards are the closest i've come
    Watched on tv: and tv would be...?
    EITHER / OR:
    club or houseparty: gathering
    beer or cider: that yeasty frothy concoction does just fine
    drinks or shots: sometimes drinks are just as gut wrenching as shots, only the torture lasts longer. but since it usually isn't on my agenda to die, cosmic cosmo's and cran+vodka's do me just fine
    cats or dogs: a big fat sloppy hairy dog
    single or taken: up for the grabs
    pen or pencil: pencils can suck me
    gloves or mittens: being able to use my hands is a plus- fingerless is the way to go
    food or candy: fooooood
    cassette or cd: cd
    Coke or pepsi: cause there's a difference
    Spontaneous or plan?: i laugh in the face of 'plans'. didn't you know my name was kaitlin spontaneous ward?
    WHO DO YOU WANT TO:
    kill: bush
    get really wasted with: caroline + brooke. its been too long.
    tickle: kerri. HAHHAHAHAHHHAAHAHHAHA
    look like: angelina jolie, elizabeth hurley or gwen paltro would do me just fine
    be like: yeup
    avoid: mini me
    HAVE YOU EVER...
    Dated one of your best friends? kinda sorta not really
    Drank alcohol? yes ma'am
    Done drugs? yes ma'am
    Broken the law? yes suree
    Run away from home? not to my recollection
    Broken a Bone? wrist once.
    Played Truth Or Dare? yeupers.
    Flashed someone? long long time ago.
    Mooned Someone? even longer
    Kissed someone you didn't know: multiple
    Been in a fight? nah
    Come close to dying? probably. my brain stops working after 12
    Cheated on youry/Girlfriend?: .......not technically............
    DESCRIBE:
    What does your bedroom like?: bed desk mattress + clothes on floor
    What is your favorite thing for breakfast? yuck. salsa and eggs sometimes.
    What is your favorite Restaurant?: cpk + johnny's
    What's on your bedside table?:phone slurpee cup glass box
    What is the geekiest part of your music collection?: ha. seal or something along those lines
    What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: icecream
    What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: steel magnolias
    If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: no se
    Do you have a completely irrational fear?: sharks......in my kitchen
    Whats the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?: i speak not a word and chain smoke like its my business
    Do you ever have to beg?: to a point
    Are you a pyromaniac?: nah. occasionally accidently
    Do you have too many love interests?: nah
    Describe your bed: twin with handcuff equiped bars. heh
    Who should play you in a movie about your life?: you
    Do you know how to play poker?: yeah. i don't get the betting part though. so i change my answer to ........yeah?
    What do you carry with you at all times?: cigabutts
    Are you happy with your given name?: surely
    How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: mucho. i wouldn't be able to 'write' papers
    color is your bedroom?: purple
    was the last song you were lisening to?: 'one down' by mr. folds
    you ever been in a play?: yes
    Who are your best friends?: a given few
    Have you ever been in love?: yes
    Do you talk a lot?: depends
    Have you ever done any illegal drugs?: yes
    Do you think you're cute?: when its dark out and i got my beer goggles on
    Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?: no. but if they're crazy on top of it yes. i've had my share of run ins
    Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: i try and be very fair
    Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: amigos
    Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
    10:33 am
    haven't slept yet.
    went to the good ole ex's last night with vanessa and jefe and played taboo and truth or dare from 2-8 in the morning. yes. we have problems. we are losers. surprisingly craig + i we quite civil. i actually might even say that -gasp- i enjoyed his company. at
    around 8 jefe left to go home and sleep, and vanessa and i psuedo passed out on his couch- and we saw craig again for two seconds and he vanished. he wasn't around when vanessa and i left, and we haven't been able to get in touch with him since. i love it when things make sense. seriously.

    i think i almost had something along the lines of a panic/anxiety attack this morning. i was laying on the couch in silence and all of a sudden my heart started pounding and i got really sick to my stomach and i started thinking all these crazy things about how i thought for a split second i was dying or some nonsense-- it was over before i could really realize what i was experiencing... but it was actually quite frightening..


    i've been wanting to talk/see a few people desparately badly, alas, time is running ever short (3 more real days) and they are no where to be found.



    .hunt.me.down.
    ::and call my cell please::
    Sunday, December 29th, 2002
    9:46 pm
    windchill and dashboard lights.






    why am i so tired?




    rest stop.
    Thursday, December 26th, 2002
    3:50 am
    ahhhh christmas. the loneliest day of the year. unspoken thank you's and grease pits lined with unchewed fat and overly warm blankets, themselves blanketed in the silent slumber of snow. truely is the loneliest day of the year.

    Current Mood: these silent, cold nights
    Current Music: upon which dreams are made
    Friday, December 6th, 2002
    1:39 pm
    someone-come make me study. i want an A on monday. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    i figure i have 6 hours until i have to start getting ready for a semi-formal i have to go to tonight at fiji. i really don't want to go. i don't know anyone at that frat besides my friend who's taking me and he's going to have to bartend at somepoint so i will be left allll alone. which is, obviously, no fun. blah. plus i have to get dressed up which i'm not looking forward to. damn tonight. damn it to hell.

    i come home for a month next friday. what sucks about that is that most of my friends are leaving tuesday. grrrrrrrr. talk about boredom. fucking a.

    Current Mood: lethargic
    Current Music: A-List Actress - Hey Mercedes
    Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
    12:37 pm
    if you suck at string cheese, then you suck at life
    so i'm out of my funk. that makes me happy. haven't been sleeping in my bed recently- i can't fall asleep in my own room anymore, mostly likely due to my roomate and her boyfriend. its not like their fucking while i'm there [though i did once wake up to her giving him head ::shudders::], but just their presence makes me annoyed enough not to be able to sleep. sleepovers are fun anyways though- brooke a lot of the time goes to sleep with damian and caroline and i usually sleep in her bed and talk about how we wish we had a boy to cuddle with at night and how instead we only have eachother- quite amusing actually.

    i have this psuedo-track mark on my arm from when i got tested a while back- and someone jokingly asked if i shot up. me = offended. oh well, pretty soon no one will see any of my skin as there is 4 inches of snow on the ground as we speak. wait for it. we're going to get so much snow its gonna be scary. i'm not a big fan of the cold, yet here i am in vermont. snow can be fun though- especially if you bring in into the halls. heh. i'm a trouble maker like that. pegged about 10 kids in the warm comfort of their rooms with snowballs. i got banned from tony hawk for the rest of the year for getting damian + griffin, but it was worth the looks on the faces when i woke em up with snow in their beds. being evil can sometimes be so much fun. mehehheh.


    on another note, i'm exhausted. and i have pen tattoos all over me from trying to stay awake in anthropology today. .must...nap..to...re...gain....energy....


    `out`
    Monday, November 18th, 2002
    12:14 am
    it's an icecream cone dripping in the sun- sticky hands, sticky arms, sticky situation
    he did call. two hours late- but better late than never.

    he told me my christmas gift- tickets to ani december 20th. ::god i love that kid::
    speaking of- i ordered ani tickets last night for march 19th (wednesday). which i am also excited about.

    its snowing again- the prettiest snow fall of all so far.



    regarding last night- i'm over it. it was just drunken rage brought on by jealousy. boys will be [assholes] boys.

    Current Music: heartbreak even - ani
    Sunday, November 17th, 2002
    6:58 pm
    to add insult to injury
    so after not hearing from dan in almost a week, i get this e-mail yesterday telling me he'll actually talk to me tomorrow:

    listen i have to work tomorrow......from 7-5, i wish i
    didnt have too, but u can bet you will get
    a call at 5:30


    love daniel


    .he.never.called.
    3:50 am
    tonight i finally got a real look at myself. i am hideous. i dont want anyh pity. i hate myself/ i'll i've ever been as been meaningless to anyone who has everwanted me/ i walked into tonight to see some kid who i wiilingly fucked, hooking uip wiht someother girl. i know this is going to seem like some drunken nonsesne - but its the drunkness that has helped me see how other people really view me. i know that my friends love me-- but to anyone else- to anyoen that i could have something with- views me as nothing more than a piece of ass. i feel so degraded. i feel like shit. i walked home ALONE tonight. i'm all alone. i think i'm just going tofall alseep in the snw. stupd drunkeness----- and i stupidly thought that there could be something. stupid me. fuck me. i hatge myself
    Saturday, November 16th, 2002
    7:10 pm
    its snowing. and its beautiful.

    Current Mood: let's do some living
    Current Music: after we die- and wild horses couldn't drag me away
    Friday, November 15th, 2002
    10:32 am
    so pulling that all night was in some ways the best + worst night here. in the end it was just damian, caroline, brooke and me attempting the feat while one of damian's roomates -zach- went to sleep in brooke's bed and his other roomate -griffin (ie the boy i have a crush on) - while not wanting to stay up all night, also didn't want to leave. so we ordered gravy fries (which are really big up here: and for the record they aren't as gross as they sound- you do put gravy on mashed potatoes dontcha!?) and gingerale and worked on our schedules and snuck in games of tony hawk all the while waking up griffin every 5 seconds. around 330 we decide to take a power nap cause we were all getting kinda tired- so me + caro went up into zach's loft where which we convinced griffin to join us. caroline ended up leaving -either cause she was too cramped or too cold- and to my surprise griffin stayed. even more to my surprise he throws his arm around me, which marked the beginning of a hxc kissing/spooning session. most unexpected thing of my life. i mean i know he doesn't like me- he hasn't indictated any emotion towards me both before and after wednesday night- but it was just what i needed + wanted. yeah, but not surprisingly, the 20 minute power nap turned into a 2 hour snooze and we would have slept through registration had zach not come back [to find griffin and i in his bed and] to register. then i got lucky again- i got 4/5 classes i want. that made me even happier. THEN after not being able to eat for 1.5 days since i lost my food card- damian finds it under his fridge.--oh happy day--

    Current Mood: calm-cool-collected
    Current Music: azure ray - displaced
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